{"id":283,"date":"2021-12-23T20:53:41","date_gmt":"2021-12-23T20:53:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/?p=283"},"modified":"2021-12-23T20:53:41","modified_gmt":"2021-12-23T20:53:41","slug":"santa-claus-announces-he-will-predestine-kids-to-be-on-the-naughty-or-nice-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/?p=283","title":{"rendered":"Santa Claus Announces He Will Predestine Kids to Be on the Naughty or Nice List"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Satura Apologia Today<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>North Pole \u2013 It\u2019s Christmas time! This is the time of year that parents across the globe tell their kids to freely choice to be nice, or else they will be put on the naughty list and get a lump of coal in their stockings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; This year however, Santa announced it was time to shake things up. Jolly old St. Nick recently announced he is a Calvinist and will be acting on those convictions. In a breaking story from the North Pole, Santa announced to the children of the world that he would now be predetermining who would get presents and who would get a lump of coal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cAll children are naughty. All of them deserve a lump of coal.\u201d Santa declared. I have decided, according to my will that I will have mercy on whom I choose, and I will punish whom I choose. All of this will be decided well before Christmas of course.\u201d When the children heard the news, there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 In related news, the Grinch announced he had become an Arminian, and John Calvin became the new Grinch. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Satura Apologia Today North Pole \u2013 It\u2019s Christmas time! This is the time of year that parents across the globe tell their kids to freely choice to be nice, or else they will be put on the naughty list and get a lump of coal in their stockings. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; This year however, Santa announced it [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":284,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satura-apologia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=283"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":285,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions\/285"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}