{"id":435,"date":"2022-03-16T12:52:53","date_gmt":"2022-03-16T18:52:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/?p=435"},"modified":"2022-03-16T12:56:12","modified_gmt":"2022-03-16T18:56:12","slug":"atheist-celebrates-rapture-because-all-the-christians-have-disappeared","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/?p=435","title":{"rendered":"Atheist Celebrates Rapture Because All the Christians Have Disappeared"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Satura Apologia Today<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Home of Charles Darwin \u2013 Well, it finally happened. The rapture occurred! Charles Darwin was heading over to Metropolitan Baptist Church for a good old debate on theism only to discover that Pastor Charles Haddon Spurgeon had been raptured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Since Charles Darwin was an atheist, the rapture was not the first explanation that came to mind, and it was Spurgeon\u2019s janitor, a dude called Todd that informed Darwin of Spurgeon\u2019s location.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cHe\u2019s been raptured.\u201d Todd said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cWhat about you?\u201d Darwin asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cI was left behind.\u201d Todd looked pleased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sources confirmed that once Todd told Darwin that Spurgeon and all the good Christians had been raptured, they embraced just like old pals. \u201cThere are no Christians left!\u201d A jubilant Charles Darwin declared. \u201cWe get to face the tribulation without the good guys, and no one can say the tribulation is bad because there is no objective morality anyway!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Reports say that Todd and Darwin were dancing in the streets just as the mark of the beast started hovering ominously over Metropolitan Baptist Church.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Satura Apologia Today The Home of Charles Darwin \u2013 Well, it finally happened. The rapture occurred! Charles Darwin was heading over to Metropolitan Baptist Church for a good old debate on theism only to discover that Pastor Charles Haddon Spurgeon had been raptured. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Since Charles Darwin was an atheist, the rapture was not the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":438,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satura-apologia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=435"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":437,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435\/revisions\/437"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rocksolidapologia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}