Satura Apologia Today

Pawtucket, Rhode Island – In a surprising development, executives at Hasbro Nerf announced a partnership with the great protestant reformer John Calvin. Coming in March 2025, Nerf will be releasing a new product line of water guns specifically so that all those good little reformed children can baptize their little baby brothers and sisters whether their parents want them to or not.

            According to sources within Nerf, the tagline for the new Baby Baptizer Gun will be “shoot em up with grace.” The barrel containing the water will no longer be called a barrel, but rather the grace compartment.

            “Our new grace compartments will have more room for water than any previous barrel has,” one executive said, speaking with RSA on the condition of anonymity. “After all, the more grace the better.”

            In a statement, John Calvin publicly endorsed the Baby Baptizer triumphantly proclaiming that the tide has turned, no pun intended. “With the Baby Baptizer, reformed protestants can finally turn tide on semi Pelagian heterodoxic Credobaptists.”

            The headquarters of the Southern Baptist Convention could not be reached for comment.