Satura Apologia Today

Washington DC – Stunning political pundits and pollsters alike, Charles Taze Russell, Jehovah’s Witness founder and the fount of all knowledge when it comes to predicting the future, prophesied that Joseph Smith would become President in 2024.

            The LDS prophet recently announced his candidacy, stating that it would be good practice for when he becomes God of his own planet one-day pro creating spirit babies forever.

            In an interview with the Watchtower Society, Russell assured the nation that his prophecy was not at all like the media’s prediction that Hillary Clinton would become President in 2016. Russel also guaranteed that this prediction would be nothing like the JW prophecies that stated Jesus would return in 1925, 1940, and 1975 respectively.

            In related news, Joseph Smith promised America that he would win a landslide victory, saying, “all my wives are voting for me.”