Satura Apologia Today

The Russell Home – It’s that time of year that Charles Taze Russell is thanking the Lord that he is not a Christian. “No lights, no trees, no decorations, isn’t it great to be a Jehovah’s Witness?” An exuberant Russell told his congregation this past week. “Besides, this way I get all Santa’s cookies. It’s amazing how far a combination of Arianism, Annihilationism, and my own personal touch will get you!”

            “He never did like putting up the Christmas tree.” Mrs. Russell told the world’s one and only apologetics satire site. “He complained that it stayed up all year long. Of course, the reason we never took it down was because he hated stuffing it back in the box so much.”

            In related news, Russell suggested that Christmas songs on public radio were enough to turn any good Christian into a Jehovah’s Witness.