Satura Apologia Today

Pittsburg Pennsylvania – JW apologists breathed a collective sigh of relief when JW founder and Bible scholar Charles Taze Russell announced that he was done predicting the second coming.

            “Praise Jehovah!” A watchtower official said upon hearing the news that Russell was done making false prophecies about the second coming of Jesus. “This makes our lives at the watchtower so much easier.”

            This excitement was undone when Russell announced that he would be predicting the third, fourth, and fifth comings of Jesus. “Jesus’s third coming will be in 1925,” Russell told Jehovah’s Witnesses everywhere. “His fourth coming will be in 1970. And his fifth coming will occur when pigs fly.”

            Presumably, the sixth and seventh comings of Jesus will be when Hell freezes over and the Vikings win the super bowl respectively.

            At the time of this article’s publication, Charles Taze Russell could not be reached for comment.