Satura Apologia Today

Beyond the Satire Quote: “I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul nor John nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I.” – Joseph Smith (History of the Church Vol. 6, p. 408 – 409)

Kirtland Ohio – A bunch of deluded Latter-Day Saints recently suggested that Jesus might possibly be more important in the history of the Church than Joseph Smith. During a recent sermon, the LDS prophet set his followers straight.

“I know more languages than anybody in the history of languages.” Joseph Smith roared to the adoring crowd. “I know Egyptian. And better than that, I know reformed Egyptian! Who else can say that? Huh? Bunch of losers.” Smith paused for effect. “I can speak Klingon better than the Klingons can. I am even fluent in Gibberish and Gobble gobble.” Joseph Smith paused briefly to hear the crowd cheer just a little bit louder.

“If Paul or John tried to translate the Book of Abraham, it would just turn out to be the book of the dead. Pathetic! Even Jesus wouldn’t be able to make the Book of Abraham say what I say it says.”

By publishing time, Joseph Smith also pointed out that Jesus never dropped out of a Presidential campaign either.