Satura Apologia Today

New York – Joseph Smith the prophet and founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints announced yesterday that jolly old St. Nick, the original Santa Claus had converted to Mormonism. He will now begin the exultation process and his progression towards Godhood.

            “Nick wants to become God so some of the atheistic arguments against the true God work once and a while.” Smith told members of the New York press. “Of course, Nick wasn’t happy about becoming a Latter Day Saint given its heresy and all, but it was the only way he could make the leap from man to God.”

            Athanasius, a contemporary of Nicholas was visibly thrilled. According to those familiar with Athanasius, the only thing holding back his excitement was the obvious blasphemy. “Nick will be the god of atheism’s dreams!” the church father proclaimed. However, Charles Darwin, in a statement, said he disagreed with Athanasius pointing out this was not the God of his dreams, this was the God he actually believed in.

            As of publishing time, Nicholas had not replied to our request for comment.