Satura Apologia Today

Salt Lake City – John Calvin is on a quest to make Heaven great again! Calvin revealed to reporters recently that a top priority was the security of God’s election. Calvin indicated that LDS prophet Joseph Smith’s latest attempts to convert Christians to Mormonism was a big concern.

            “Joseph Smith is trying to steal God’s election!” Calvin warned Christians and Latter-Day Saints alike. Smith responded to allegations of a stolen election by reminding Calvin that he was not having much luck stopping God anyway.

            Emotions run high on the issue of divine election. In related news, Muhammad recently accused John Calvin of trying to rig the election from his Twitter account based in Arabia.