Satura Apologia Today

Salt Lake City – Breaking News for the residents of Salt Lake. Yesterday, the second President of the Latter-Day Saint Church, Brigham Young revealed that he plans to rebuild the Tower of Babel in Utah, only with a twist. In the book of Genesis, the Tower of Babel was built to reach God, in Salt Lake City, the Tower of Babel will be built to become God.

            “Joseph Smith said we could become Gods.” Young said in an interview with the Salt Lake press. “However, he never outlined tangibly how that would work. So, I am going to build a tower all the way up to the Heavens and we will become Gods on top. This is an exciting day for idolaters everywhere who want to be worshipped as Gods.”

            The LORD made it quite clear to the Salt Lake press as well as the rest of the world that he was not pleased with the LDS Church’s plans to reconstruct the Tower of Babel. “I will confuse their languages so they will not be able to understand each other.” The Almighty declared.

            The next day, residents of Salt Lake City reported a number of Latter-Day Saints attempting to speak an unheard-of language called reformed Egyptian to one another. While other Latter-Day Saints started showing stone tablets instead of using normal speech.

            Brigham Young did respond to Satura Apologia Today’s request for comment, unfortunately, it was in reformed Egyptian, and we could not understand it.