Satura Apologia Today

Mecca – In a totally reliable not at all suspicious first century source, entitled ‘The Pink Unicorns of Bartholomew.’ The Islamic prophet Muhammad found new evidence to back up the Quran’s assertion that Jesus did not die on the cross.

            “Who the heck is Bartholomew?” Muhammad wondered as he scrolled through the document. “Hmm, looks like he is a disciple.”

            According to ‘The Pink Unicorns of Bartholomew,’ the little-known disciple urged the unicorn to “Giddy up” as they approached Jesus’s cross. Unfortunately, Bartholomew was overheard by another little-known disciple and zealot, Simon the Zealot.

            “You know Leviticus expressly forbids telling a Unicorn to giddy up, right?” Simon reportedly said in this obviously inerrant first-century source.

            At the time of this article’s publication, Roman Prefect Pontius Pilate dismissed the idea of a potential unicorn rescue calling it “unlikely.”