Satura Apologia Today

Beyond the Satire Note: Polycarp was burned at the stake by the Romans for his Christian faith. Joseph Smith was “martyred” while shooting at an angry mob.

Smyrna – Polycarp, Church father, and student of the apostle John was offered a chance to make his martyrdom at the hands of the Romans genuine. This offer was made unexpectedly by LDS prophet Joseph Smith.

            According to Roman scribes, Joseph Smith offered Polycarp a gun. “Go out gunslinging,” Smith told a rather confused Polycarp. “Make this day a real banger.”

            This only served to make Polycarp even more confused. Polycarp reminded the LDS prophet that true martyrs are peacefully led to their deaths and do not blow their enemy’s brains out on the way.

               “Trust me.” Smith reportedly said. “I know how martyrdom works. True martyrs are indistinguishable from true gangsters.”

            In related news, Justin Martyr, another early Christian martyr changed his name from Justin Martyr to Justin Gunslinger.